Piece of fucking shit, fuck porn, fuck pornography, I need to try harder to resist this trash.

Times I went a day or two, I felt a little motivation to draw.

There was a time, where I was four days clean, and was super eager to draw.

I slipped up twice yesterday, and got NOTHING done.

Day before I slipped almost twice.

I have times where I can go two days at a time, then days where I slip twice.

Is rubbing one out to a digital image of breasts, ass, and genitals really worth it, when the sacrifice is loosing motivation? A core part of doing shit??

Maybe, just maybe, I can live with my interests in peace, without the intrusion of lust from digital images.

I need to try harder.

I need to resist more.

FUCK PORN

I love him

EDIT: After looking at thing, I just now realized this is called "Low Self esteem" with a side of "depression" that is all.

These past months.

I have felt really hopeless, I can't be bothered to draw or anything I loved before.

I feel really demotivated to do anything, and I feel like no one cares, or does shit to piss me off specifically.

It's been months since I finished an art piece, I haven't worked on my game in over a month.

I feel hopeless, alone, and targeted, all I love to do anymore is sleep everyday.

No one pays attention to me, and the only reactions I feel like I get are people trying to better me and put me down.

Newgrounds makes me feel so alone, all these collabs and shit, I would participate, but I wouldn't want to disappoint people by either not taking my part, or taking too long.

It really makes me wonder what I'll do when I grow up.

I don't know what I'm doing with my life.

I always feel like shit every day, I feel forgotten, but that's not true, but I can't shake the feeling away.

No matter how much I understand somethings a joke, or if I'm overreacting, I can never shake the feeling off even if I knew it wasn't meant that way.

Everyday I swear I feel depressed, sad and angry more than I feel happy.

Talking to people is futile, so one would care what I have to say or what my problem is.

No one cares

No one cares

And even if I'm wrong, which I am, I can't for the fucking life of me get rid of this feeling.

No matter how much I know I'm wrong, the feeling that no one cares out weights that I know I'm wrong.

Idk why I even bother posting vents, when it's just gonna make be a bigger target.

I'M DOING IT, I'M TAKING THE FIRST STEP TO MY DREAMS.

I'M MAKING A FUCKING VIDEO GAME

I think my bedroom was the reason for my depression.

I always feel sluggish in my bedroom, it's claustrophobic, small and there is no air flow.

I feel alive being anywhere and everywhere but there.

I can't get off my game systems in the living room, but back in my bedroom, I just hated playing games in there.

Perhaps using my laptop in the living room can help me make art?

I feel motivated already!

Of course using a drawing pad on my lap would take time to get used too.

And I can't leave all my laptop in the living room, since it's obviously my parents house.

But hey, maybe I can finally make something!

I get small bursts of motivation here and there, but I think it's for the best to let my motivation build up, (or I guess get over this burnout I supposedly have) so in the future I'm able to make complete art, instead of losing motivation a second after.

Also school is a massive problem, it's boring af, and has no purposed, even when I did work, like cut grass or chores like dishes they felt fun.

School just sucks the motivation out of me, so I won't be making anything or uploading anything at least until summer break.

Here's hoping I pass, because I'm kind of failing it, I have been getting my grades up by forcefully making myself painfully doing this slog.

I can't wait until I'm done with this fucking shit, I'm sick of school, it makes doing real work look fun.

See ya then!

I think I now know why I'm never motivated.

My skill level isn't enough, and I anticipate myself to make big projects, with little or no motivation.

This is probably why I'm always un-motivated.